~memories~

2012-01-18T10:02:00.002+08:00

Hey Mr Cross,

Will there be a day you happened to pass by my blog?

I dunno why, but i just feel like keeping everything the same here.

Oh ya, you're flying tml..

Happy holiday to you and pls be safe..

Think i wont get to hear your voice again?

But It's okay now..

I've used to live my life without you.

Happily go to work everyday.

Out with my friends or families..

My time has been occupied mostly..

So that i wont even think about you for a sec.

i swear that day will be the last time i shed a tears for you.

Instead, i'll have plenty of smile.

I'll be myself that you used to like.

This is the eighth letter for you...

2012-01-17T10:02:00.005+08:00

Hey Mr Cross,

Do you think some song can really enlight you?

I found this two song ytd while working..

One is Jay Chou and one is JJ Lin.

It seems like they sang how i exactly feel.

I repeated their song the whole night ytd..

It was the first time i cried since the day i left your house.

Till I tod i've cried enough, I went to remove my makeup and see my face on the mirror.

Who's that pathetic girl?

And i watched myself cry again..

Sb ugly can?! OMG.

I think i've slowly forgotten how you sounds like already.

Apart of you is blurred in my memories..

So is it true that i might totally forget about you?

I've deleted all your messages and your pictures on my phone. Just not to make myself miss you more.. I kept telling myself to forget your phone number that already stamped in my mind.

So i won't contact you and say nonsense to you again.

I try to avoid anything that reminds me of you.

But everywhere, here and there, is me and you.

As usual, I woke up in the middle of the night toss and turn around for an hour and sleep back again.

And as usual, I woke up in the morning being so weak again.

Maybe god is asking me to turn a new cycle.

It feel great being myself again..

Seems like you have someone there for you?

Maybe you're just hiding your sorrow behind the smile you have.

I just hope you'll get better day by day.

Sorry that i can't be there for you anymore..

I'm still praying everyday.

Pray for you, pray for me...

This is the seventh letter for you...

2012-01-16T16:15:00.004+08:00

Hey Mr Cross,

Today is a super moody day for me..

Pls tell me what to do hao mahs?

i really very angry with myself..

Somehow, it's so painful for me..

What if there's really one day i really saw something that i duns wish to happen?

The one that once you hug, kiss, miss, love, hang out with, laugh with, watch movie with, eat with, talk with, sleep with, is not gonna be the same person anymore..

Why i just can't get over it?!

Your action is already so obvious to me already.

Why am i still clinging on to?!

Why i still hope one day i still can get to listen to your voice, get to feel your warmth again?

Why am i still hoping for that?

I'm so fucking useless!

i wanna forget about you seriously you know?

It's painful...

Very painful....

Seeing you treating others nice and sweet...

You make me feel so impossible for us anymore..

One day i'll still see you happily with the next one you have..

Taking lovely pictures, everything will change eventually..

Probably all the albums and memories we had, they'll be deserted to one corner..

Everything will be new..

But if one day you were to throw it away, pls return me hao mahs?

Everything that belong to us..

For now, i'll learn to move on..

This is the sixth letter for you..

I really miss you....................................

2012-01-16T09:35:00.002+08:00

Hey Mr Cross,

Is it true that the one that hurt people will be more sad than the one who was being hurt?

Somehow your heartless makes me wake up..

I know you have your reason why you choose not to contact me..

You just duns wanna makes me miss you more.

Are you hinting me to give up?

There's time where i really wanted to..

I told myself not to think so much.

i'm still afraid that there's one day i will totally forget your voice.

I always told myself to be strong b4 i close my eyes to sleep.

But when i woke up realising you're not with me anymore, i became weak again.

I'm glad i'm not having nightmare anymore.

I know these few years i've made you feel so xin ku.

It's partially my fault too.

Shall i make the first move? To really move on my life without you anymore?

To move on my life hoping you can find someone who will only make you happy?

And move on in order to forget about you?

I've been relying on you too much all these years.

The is the fifth letter for you...

2012-01-13T17:48:00.002+08:00

Hey Mr Cross,

Do you believe there's another dimension?

Maybe in that dimension, we're happily together..

No worries, no nothing..

Lols..

I think dream is a very special thing..

You tend to remember a person's face when you duns even remember when you're awake.

You can even feel it somehow too.

Cool uh.

But when it comes to nightmare, it's nothing cool anymore :/

What's makes you feel scary during a nightmare?

Maybe things that you duns want it to happen on the reality, often happen in your dream..

I got it sometime.

The most funny and scary dreamt i had is fighting with walking dead. Lols.

And i woke up sweating like hell. Haas.

But sometimes, i dreamt of what i'm hoping for.

How i wish i'll never wake up.

I'll just live in my dream :)

This is the forth letter for you..

2012-01-13T10:29:00.002+08:00

Hey Mr Cross,

Have you ever come across a feeling whereby you're so concentrate with your works and suddenly you had this feeling of heart ache?

And out of sudden you're un-interested with everything.

It's really so weird.

I had it yesterday while i'm at work.

It just strike me like out of no where.

Maybe the song that played on the radio reminded me of something?

i dunno..

I just know that i must be strong.

Hey, I did said that i'm getting better but i still need sometimes okay.

It's not like i said i'm fine and i can totally forget about everything. I just choose not to think anymore.

I must be responsible for what i've said.

And i'll never regret, i can't.

It's not gonna turn back time.

This is the third letter for you..

2012-01-12T10:42:00.002+08:00

Hey Mr Cross,

Do you think communication between a couple stand in the most?

For me partly it stand quite an important role.

You know i had this relationship where we can't communicate well.

He says this i says that. Most of the time he thinks i duns understand what he's talking about.

True enough, sometimes i duns. And yet i didn' ask.

I used to restrict myself from saying things that are on my mind.

Silly isn't it? I just duns wanna make thing worse.

but sometime he also duns feel like saying out what he feels.

So we both kept really quiet.

Silent is more torturing than quarrelling isn't it?

Till the day he told me i'm not myself anymore.

I've became more and more paranoid.

And i realised, yes i've changed.

i wasn't like this while i'm with my 1st and 2nd bf.

Why on earth have i became liddat?

Its not because i'm scared of him, It's just that i'm cherishing this r/s.

It's all because i duns want him to get hurt like his past relationship again.

But the thinking i used to have, is all wrong.

I eventually make him feel worse.

The path is too hard for him to walk.

I pressured him too much.

Now, it's time for me to get the facts.

I shouldn't be not myself anymore.

I feel tired too.

Though pain is still there, but i should live my life to the fullest now.

I've prepared for the worse situation i can get.

And i'll face it with optimistic.

Yup, We really need two hands to clap, right Mr Cross? :)

The second letter for you.

你還是要幸福

2012-01-10T10:49:00.005+08:00

Hey Mr Cross,

Guess what? i went to perm my hair ytd!

Can't get used to it at first. I looks lot matured!

But i won't regret though.

cus i think i look.. sexy. XD

I'm changing a new look. I'm changing myself :)

This is the second day i'm moving on without you.

Have you found what you're looking for now?

I'm still praying everyday for your well.

Hey no worries, i'm getting better everyday.

The smile that you use to like, is coming back.

But sorry uh, i used your ways to cheer up myself.

Keep think keep think, and eventually i did it.

Sometimes, i kinda hate guys a lot.

But of cos won't fall in love with girls lah.

Dunno why, but just hate.

Oh well, this is life lah~

The very first letter for you.

你還是要幸福

2011-07-12T11:16:00.003+08:00

It's getting more and more days without you. I really can't get used to it at first cus i'm still worrying for you all that.

But i told myself you'll be okay.

You know, sometimes i feel so useless. i always let my happiness slipped away and i have no idea what to do. And i end up blaming myself and regretting.

There's times i told myself, i'm not worth anything from you. I always do things that made you angry.. That's why you feel like escaping.

And I still think that i treats you very well and all that. I was totally wrong..

.

I think this time i've really make you angry..

I used to think that you'll still forgive me like you used to.

But now, i know you won't anymore..

Seeing how other cared for you, i think i duns have to be around anymore. I feel so bad for giving you so much pressure. I used to think that i understand your situation. But eventually, i'm not. I even ask for more. i seriously laugh at myself for it..

.

.

Since the day you're gone, i never think of you to be coming back again. I'll just keep reminding myself that. No matter how much i want you to be back.

You know what i missed the most?

It's your hug :) cus you have the warmest hug i ever had.

I felt i'm being protected by you somehow.

i know when times pass, i have to walk away. After this post, i'll never mention about us again. I duns think i can anymore.

Being with you, makes me felt like i'm the most happiest girl in the world.

And all this happy memories, is not gonna be erase..

imy.

whatever i said, i said it real.

2011-07-04T11:40:00.002+08:00

The coolest thing on earth, is how couple can have such a strong bonding between them.

It takes hard work to process, and it all starts from very basic of 'what a relationship must have'.

haa! here i go again. What a philosophy~ *(Roll eye)

i was once so afraid. And so i refrained myself from doing and saying things. Till there's ppl told me that i'm not myself anymore..

Funny isn't it? i seriously laugh at myself for it. haa!

I won't force you to really gimmi an ans..

But pls show me you actually appreciate me..

I choose to trust you. And i do understand you.

I'm still here. Here when you are happy. Here when you're down or when you're alone.

i dare to say, nobody knows you better than me. Nobody have the rights more than me to care for you.

If nobody understand you, i understand you. Even if everyone condemned you, i still choose to believe you. Cus i know you.

I know whatever you do, you'll think. You have your own reason to do so.

You're not a bad person. You just choose to keep every burden to yourself.

But you have to know, sharing makes you lighten your burden.

It's true. S-H-A-R-I-N-G

You're never alone.. That's what i always told you, right?

2011-06-16T00:14:00.002+08:00

everyone make choices in our life. Some choices may failed, and of cos, some do successed. But no matter what, duns feel regretted. At least you know that you've tried.
I'm leaving singapore for few days :) it's time for me to really make my own choices. I've always make you my first priority. I should really go somewhere far and throw everything behind. Probably when I'm back, I'll be better :)

night world~

2011-05-23T09:08:00.001+08:00

Breakdown

2011-05-21T00:57:00.013+08:00

it's been so long since I drop by my blog. Well, I'll give an update ba :) I've started working as an accountant on my lounge bar company now. All I can say is, im lucky uh. :) And I've stopped studying already.. Cus I dint go for my exam. So yea, one year went down the drain :\ no matter how bad it can be, life still goes on...

.

.

This few month was quite hectic for me. I have to get used of all the changes in my life. Even now, everything is still changing. I've never have a time to rest since than. earn earn earn. No money you seriously can't do anything. There's ppl who always tod I couldn't make it. That was when I turn back and say, 'watch me' . You guys are too belittled on me. You all probably dint know that i'm learning.. I'm learning to handle stress, I'm learning to be more discipline, I'm learning to know what's right or wrong to do, I'm learning for not relying on anyone. I have to know that everything can be so cruel, being weak and hide is not a solution. Nobody is there to care and pamper you. Nobody will always be there for you and help you. that's what I felt for all this while. Ppl gossip about me, ppl dislike my attitude, ppl think I ain't serious at all, ppl think I'm fucking stupid, ppl think I'm useless, ppl think bad about me. Do I look like I care about a bloody damn thing about it?! I'm not gonna hide in my bed and cry. I duns need others to pity me. I'm not that pitiful. Sometimes Things no need to say out, I can see it crystal clear. I know it myself and that's it. I know what I'm doing and I've done trying. Being perseverance and endure is not stupid at all. At least I won't regret what I've done till the end.

Anyhow, think that will be a part of it I will say for now ba. Gonna go sleep le. Paiseh if it's bit harsh uh. Just wanna vent something out lah XP

" oh ya, almost forget to say, JiaYou :) i have confidence on you :)) And duns forget IF THERE'S ONE DAY and no matter what, I still wanna be the first one who watch you in competition. Cus I'm your No.1 FANS!! "

2011-03-03T06:30:00.003+08:00

Suddenly woke up and thought of him..I always wondering why I'm always the one ruined everything when eventually I know things are going great between us.. I always can't control myself and being so nonsense towards him. But he just endured. I always gave him troubled.. he just keep quiet and bear with it. Can I once, for goodness sake, stop everything? I duns want this to happen anymore. I can feel he do cares even if it's not that often.. I really wanna stop every nonsense. I'm too tired of it already.

2011-01-31T02:15:00.002+08:00

I kinda get confused easily nowadays. Thinking that whether is everything okay or not. I'm scare to make de wrong move. I turn out to be un-interested in everything. It's getting more and more complicated to me. Sometimes I would just hide away from de truth. Funny thing is, no matter how many choices I get, I'll still choose to know de truth. I think I really couldn't handle it well. I always give up when I think I'm ready. Why is it so powerful?

2010-12-31T20:33:00.005+08:00

happy little birthday to my little bibi =)

its been so long since i blog~
was busy uh, so no time =)
and now i am blogging on the new year eve..
wait wait wait, i got alot of thing to say..
slowly slowly first

.
.

was happy on christmas day :D
went to my sis house and celebrate with family
ate nice food, exchange nice present :))
celebrated bibi's birthday too~
bibi was so happy that he gotten his birthday cake.
went to church with pam and aaron to experience countdown christmas on church :)
not bad though~

.
.

mummy's birthday celebrated on the 28th =)
went to watami for dinner @ ION with all my sis and brother-in-law
mummy looks happy too :)

.
.

today, i'll just stay home ba..
baobei need to go work..
so, gonna countdown at home~
i still rmb the very first kisses he gave last year when the clock strike 2010 00:00 :D
yup, to my surprised =)
i really hope 2011 will bring the best to me.can?

2010-12-04T03:08:00.002+08:00

hey peeps.i'm back to bloggy

and was at foonyee's house, using foonyee's comp.

she and christine was sleeping soundly now.

and all the guys went to lan..

so i decided to blog before watching television :)

ytd night when i was on the way back to bb's house, had a nice talked with my colleague.

and i realised both of us some how had a common character.

what she say somehow enlightened me.

"i live for myself, not for the others.

i duns like to change for the others when i know myself i duns like to do it.

this is me.and i duns think im being selfish.

if they are true to you, than they should accept who you are.

like my family.or can say my true friends."

maybe i duns like to talk so much, sometimes i would just keep quite and listen to others conversation.

it's not i always looked grumpy.but this is how i am.i just, duns talk.

to me, i duns need alot of friends.

but just good friends who are there for me and i'm there for them.

friends that accept each others weaknesses.

share the joy and sorrow together..

that's all i need..

and i duns need a really damn rich bf too.

i want a bf just like how i want my good friends to be.

like what girls want.To be pampered, to be loved.

i'm glad somehow that i have both.

duns i feel contented?

2010-11-25T16:14:00.002+08:00

another day of rotting rotting and rotting.
where's everyone gone to?
i msg everyone but none of them reply.
is it my bad habit who causes all this again?
i hope not.
and i duns think i have too..
i duns like to stay home =(
i will keep thinking and thinking.i hate it ttm!
and now it's raining so heavily.
i dunno what to do now!
boring!!

2010-11-24T19:30:00.002+08:00

oh yes, i've just seen the news my teacher just sent it to me via text message..
and i duns feel so good after seeing it..
i cant see my future anymore..
i feel lost somehow..
can someone please be there to talk to me?
i hate this kind of feelings..
what am i gonna do now??
i dunno how to break the news to my family..
they have high hope on me.
and i just, disappoint them.
i ruin everything..

2010-11-20T23:30:00.002+08:00

been catching ghost whisperer lately =)
damn nice lah
every story has its own touching part.
you guys can go check it out.
its really addictive =D

.

.

anyhow, baobei is still sleeping like a pig now!
sooooo boring !!
going to slap him up soon! lols.

2010-11-18T13:39:00.002+08:00

i'm back to blog again =)
more to say, it really happened alot of thing recently..
friends, family, and love.
last week was really in a shocked..
maybe its not a big deal but to me, i'm frightened..
some of you should know what i'm talking about..
and it's not end yet, next week still have one more to come..
i ease everyone's worried..but i'm the one who is really worry..
and he is the one who's trying to ease my worried..
but think again, i know he will be fine =)

.

.

maybe i'm not good at elaborating or interpreting with words.
sometimes people get mix up and misunderstand what i'm trying to say.
so good thing eventually turn up to bad thing.
i just hope it wont really mislead..
so please, if you guys have any doubt please come and confront to me.
cus i really hate misunderstanding.

2010-11-02T13:36:00.006+08:00

i didn't go school today.damn.

tml confirm kanna again.
anyway, pictures will be uploaded today!!
went to east coast with bestiie last friday =)
played roller blade and had fun =)

It rained by the time we reached there. and we ran to the nearest shelter.

let me introduced, this cute little dog is Pigu =)

And this is pipi.she grew wings behind her back!

its almost two weeks didn't meet precious le.
He kanna SOL.So must stay in camp..
everyday only can contact him through phone.
sb sian lehs.
He only can book out on next week.
Stupid Camp.
The only thing to let time pass fast is to make myself busy only..
uuurrrghhhh!!
i miss precious lah =(

2010-10-28T20:30:00.032+08:00

dunno why the slide got abit problem.
Supposed to have a lot of pictures de.
But it came out only my family photos.
After refresh than okay.lols.

Anyhow, my CA is over!
and i realised i have made quite a few careless mistakes after discussing with my classmates.
I think i doubt too much le ba.All the mistakes is done when i was checking the paper.
Walao, i should believe myself de luh..
But the paper is easier than i thought lah.Heng uh =)
Well, it doesn't matter now.
just keep it up when it comes to final than.

Oh yea, i also finished my report on project le.
Wah, its like so relief now luh.All the big project are almost done =)

Think i have to start to work more days le ba..
i want to save money for next year oversea trip. (Baobei you better say yes hors!)
i need to buy laptop too.
The stupid school must hand in so much document than can get $500 for my laptop.Sian.
I rather use my own money to buy.
oh ya, and my iphone4 this December! XD
Precious did told me to take a break if i work until too tired.
wah, sweet leh.haas!

I ate McSpicy today!And i'm so full now =D

Lols~ I noticed there are so many nice movie showing now.These are the two i'm dying to watch =\

The Last Exorcism

And, Paranormal Activity 2.

I wanted to watch PA2 because precious brought me watched PA1 liao and i think its quite interesting how people can really captured movement of paranormal things in video.

And I heard PA2 is more thrilling than PA1. I'm so gonna watch that >.<
You guys must be wondering why all the movie i wanna watch is horror. i also duns know why leh.
i just like to watch this kind of movie.
But only certain horror movie i like only.
i duns really fancy korea horror movie that kind.
dunno you guys get what i mean or not.
lols~

I'm going to stop here le
wanna go smoke smoke now XP
Ciaos!

2010-10-27T21:52:00.009+08:00

Hi peeps, i'm back =D
its been awhile since i've locked my blog due to some "things"
so i've change something new =)

i finally went to school today despite of skipping 4days of my lesson =\
force myself to wake up around 12 plus
(cus i skipped 3hours of lesson already! XP)
as usual, being nagged by my advisor -.-

Him: "Glenda, tell me what happened to you? What exactly do you want now? Do you still have the heart to go on? I know you can make it. All of us(teachers) are very worried about you.You know i told them you are a very good student? You can make it to at least 3.8 pointers. You are my so-called neighbour, i duns wish to de-bar you."
Me: Smile* (There's really nothing i can say)

The so-called neighbour means both of us live in TPY area -.-"
Okay than, duns skip lesson liao luh.
Just one more month to go..haas.

Oh yea, today while i was standing on my back room window, i saw something funny downstairs at the playground area.
A maid was chasing a jack russell.LOLS!
Maybe is her owner's dog or what lah, than bring it down for a walk.

That jack russell is really hyperactive luh.
It run everywhere, and its really everywhere.
And the maid kept shouting, "SMOKIE! COME BACK IF NOT I BEAT YOU UH!"
So loud until my floor (9th) also can hear.
And she was really holding on to a stick.
but the dog just ignore her and run here run there.
i was thinking lucky bibi is not liddat.if not i confirm faint.
but at last the maid caught it lah.lols.

went to meet cherie for dinner aftermath.
So long dint see her already.
So we talked talked talked until about 9pm than went off liao.
She's going to butterFAC later!
oh god, i've never been there since so long liao.lols.
Also no time to go lah.Got so much things to do.
Cus Exams is coming liao!!

Gonna go study study already.Tml got CA!
Ciaos everyone. XD

2010-10-26T23:42:00.002+08:00

re-opening my blog again =)

Loved =D

2010-10-26T21:20:00.001+08:00

hghjgh

2010-10-26T21:18:00.001+08:00

ghdffg

2010-10-26T20:18:00.003+08:00

Guess what? We're fine already. i seriously dunno what he is thinking lah. its like, we quarreled ytd and the next day he asked me how have i been this few days. and really, the first thing in my mind was, he's insane. and, is im the one who apologised to him.duns seems like he's aware he has a fault too. its like everything is me.he still declare for his own space. why would i even like this kind of guy? oh god.help me.

2010-10-25T14:05:00.002+08:00

we quarreled ytd..some sort of quarrel ba..
say in a bad way, he doesn't wanna salvage at all..
has he been seeing someone lately?
im scared..i told him im so lost..
but he ignored..
if he really found someone, i will really leave..
i wont pastor him..
but he will nv realise i'm the only one who know what he want, who understand what he need.
who can really take care of him.who can do anything for him.
even if his next girl treats him good, she will nv replace me.
she wont do so much like how i've done for him.
This is me.Nobody can replace me, even i'm not in this world anymore.
if he has a heart, he will know all my hard work.he will one day turn back to me and say im still the one.
But he doesn't know he's pushing me into the dark now.nobody is there to help me..i have to get out myself, using my own instinct.
He really makes me feel so hatred and so insecure.
He is happily out there, and i'm all alone here...

2010-10-22T20:58:00.002+08:00

each day i woke up, i felt he's not there anymore..
and i woke up asking myself why its happening to me.
i dream the same thing almost everyday.Nightmare.
and i came to realise, that i have to accept it one day..
yes, truth can be pain..but i cant hide it forever.
i love him.but i failed to have him..
i thought maybe i can really forget all the bad things that happened.
but it cant be erase.
im so disappointed.never did i think that he will do that.
is it all my fault? Am i the one making him to do that?
If that's the case, i take my hat off him.
i take it as my retribution.
i blame myself for everything i've causes

2010-10-21T20:26:00.001+08:00

its the 2nd days already..and not a single msg from him...
doesn't he wanna salvage this relationship??

2010-10-20T19:19:00.003+08:00

i msg him this ytd..

Me: have you been contacted Grace and other girl? im not angry or what.and im not concluding anything.i just wanna know the truth from you.i hope its not what i done b4 makes you do this.

and he replied..

Him: Glenda just ask me i got msg you anot..lolz

i was shocked!
and he replied this again..

Him: Why you like that say leh?

i went speechless for few secs.

Me: Hey! i received that okay!

Him: HA!

Me: Forget it..go ahead than..

Him: HAHA!!

and again for a sec later,

Him: Glenda ask me got msg you anot..actually wanna send you de..but send to her..ha! kanna catch liao..

Me: and i received it again..

Him: HA! HA!

and i dint reply..

Him: lolz! you angry already? tod you say wont angry?

Me: So?

Him: nevermind..angry ba..

Me: ya, im angry..any explanation?

Him: i dint ask about you and him..so its better if you duns ask..

Me: But i did explained to you..and i realised its a mistakes.and now you did it back to me..what does it prove?

Him: Prove its fair already..

Me: Our relationship is not a game or competition luh.i just need an explanation.Is it so hard?

Him: i just ask how she's doing and kammy's stuff..

Me: From last few days...till now..

Him: Ya..Got..She today go see kammy..Last few days i msg her de luh..

Me: Why do you still wanna tell her you've been caught? Sth i cant know?? i rather you be frank to me than i found out..So when we saw them in the lift you already contacted her.So i've been blindly covered by the both of you.How great.Now you makes other think that im a fool.And i feel that im a fool too.This is call fair? Or are you taking 'revenge'? Than you win.Fair enough now.What you said to me, i listen, but now you're like doing what you duns like me to do.

And he dint replied anymore...
He should feel ashamed

i was utterly disappointed and depressed by the way he react..i never expect he will do this.. Yes, i was once wrong.I apologise and he said its nothing.and now he did it back.saying its fair. WTF? i mean what for lah.Revenge? Is this what he want? And now he did it.i feel humiliated by the both of them..They must be mocking at me..How Great! He broke my pride inside me.My bf actually did this to me.The one who kiss me and tell me he love me..Can you imagine? I tod we're fine.i really feel disgusted by the both of them..Especially him..this time i walk away, i wont say anything.i cant expect the rest of the road to be happy anymore..You've made me speechless..Now you are the one destroying our future..

2010-10-13T18:59:00.003+08:00

me and baobei is totally fine le.
we compromised, and the outcome is positive =)
he tell me what he dislike, and i told him what i want.
i will understand him, and he will too.
hope none of this thing will happen again.
i wouldn't know what to do next time.
but yet, he's not totally heal yet..
somehow there is still a needle poking his heart somewhere.
but i know times can heal.
its going to second year already.
i hope everything will end soon..

2010-10-07T21:11:00.002+08:00

im sorry..im really sorry..

its all me..

i shouldn't..

but what's done has done.

say so much also no use le..

i wont say a word nxt time le..let everything cool down ba..

i never think you are bad b4..you are not..

its just that you aren't ready..

i still cant heal you..

you are right telling me what you said in the msg.

i made you a bad person..

i never think of your feeling b4..

im sorry for making you takes all the blame.

i duns mean it...

its useless right now..

what i say is all useless le..

i dunno what should i do now..

i miss you so so much..

how i wish i could hug you tight now..

and tell you how impt you are to me..

2010-10-06T17:10:00.003+08:00

today is our one and a half year anniversary.
but he is so busy at camp..
i tod i could meet him today..
well, nvm than.
anyway, i've made something for him =)
hope he will like it..

everyone is telling me to wake up, everyone is pulling me up.
they may be right sometimes.
but i still choose to ignore them.
i still wanna go for what i feel..
i can be really silly..but im fighting for my own happiness..
i choose to fall hard.cus i wanna know how pain it is.
and yes, i knew it.but this is not all.
ya, its really sad how he pushed me away.
but i endure..and this is not stupid.is, i rather be cruel to myself..
i told myself, how hard i also go through liao.
imagine when you were just 14year old and you are with this guy for 2years.
he is a control freak and at last he two timed you? and no one is there to help you?
that is a precious lesson i've learned.
and this is all nothing..
i'll just let him push..or perhaps he's the one who leave..
i know i cant do anything for him and he doesn't want anyone to help too..
i feel so useless being her gf sometimes..
seeing him telling me all those hurtful words.
i think i deserve it..
i duns blame him for being straight to me..
cus i think this is all my retribution.

2010-10-04T00:12:00.004+08:00

we can't gain when we cant let go of the past we've been through.
are you trying to?
you know, i duns understand myself sometimes.
now im whatever, awhile more im worrying..
just what the fcuk i want?

2010-09-29T13:16:00.003+08:00

Maybe i shouldn't think its unfair to me..im just an unlucky one.
love just come once in a life time.
its like, no matter how many ppl you been together, there is only one who you will truly loved. i keep telling myself, he will know..he will know how much i've done for him..he will appreciate everything i've done for him..i know he will..its just a matter of time..one day he will gain trust in our relationship..he will hug me and say he love me from the bottom of his heart..i know he will..i know im right for not giving up..
Go with the flo.

2010-09-22T22:09:00.002+08:00

Okay, baobei say he wont msg me that often when he's at camp.
So glenda, stop missing him and stop thinking too much.....
....just one msg from him lah pleaseeeeeeeeee~~~~~ =p
i feel so bored at home can!
what a mid-autumn festival man~
i missed playing candles -_-

aiya i dunno what to write liao.
leave me rotting than.

2010-09-20T10:58:00.004+08:00

This morning is really SHIT luh.
first word in the morning is shit and missed my bus to school is damn shit.

duns you think i really ask for it?
he already dint mentioned anything liao i still at there say this say that.
i really wanna make ppl angry liao than happy issit.
but i would rather you scold me, angry with me than really treat as nothing happened luh.
i think i really should step back le ba.i cause way too much problem le.
i feel like im an burden somehow.
maybe step back is the best way..

2010-09-19T04:17:00.002+08:00

i think i shouldn't..i really shouldn't... What have i done?! i've make a mess out of myself. though he dint mention anything but i know. isn't it the scariest way to keep quiet and talk nothing about it? i've always been the one causing things out. but you always been the one who kept silent. i really dunno how will you be able to keept quiet. doesn't it really border you? i know you are compromising..but i rather you talk things out than keep everything. at least i know what you feel.. you know i'm like so silly, that i'm afraid you will really rather be alone and without me you will live better.because i always make you unhappy..without me you wont have any burden..i would rather you leave if you're happier that way.. i really duns mean to make you unhappy always..i duns feel good too. i really hope this relationship to be strong enough to overcome everything between us.. you know im willing to go through obstacles with you, you know how much harder it may be i'll still be there for you. i know you wont want me to help you to take off any burden.but you still know im willing to. i just want assurance from you.

2010-09-15T20:46:00.003+08:00

Firstly, let's welcome Acacia Ong!
Well, Congrats to jiahe.He's finally a daddy! =D

Went to kk ytd to visit cute little Acacia.She was officially born on the 14 of Sept, 2010 after 0200 hours.Look how cute she is!
Sometimes its such a miracle seeing how women manage to really 'squeeze' one baby out.I really salute to all mother.They have to carry them for almost 10months in their stomach and have to go through all the sweats and pain in order to let their little one to see the world.Its not easy at all.

Its really heartwarming to see all that.But others may not be that lucky..i remembered there was once my friend told me that one of her relative have been infected by womb cancer and its on the final stage.Her bf dump her because of that and she couldn't even bear any children anymore.Its pitiful seeing others like that and there is really nothing you can do.

there is ups and downs in every human's life.whether you are lucky or not, its not for you to decide.you can only choose the way you wanna be, either being optimistic or not.

lols.Oh well, that should be enough for today.Im going back to my word challenge on FB now! XD
Tooooodoooosss~

2010-09-05T14:09:00.002+08:00

i tod everything is gonna be fine.i think im too naive..but thanks to that, i understand alot of thing.i really think im like a fool..why must i be such a failure? i can choose not to.i can just walk away.You also duns give a damn on it.Now is you the one pushing me away.i said im willing to stay by you, but you rejected me.how pathetic it can be.just go ahead with what you wanna do..this is the first time i feel we're so far away when you hold my hand, ever since 3years back.i realised so much thing in one night and it makes me feel so comfortable after one night of tears.maybe that's a relief for me.everyone told me it's time to let go, i've done my part..its time to rest..im must live my life to the fullest, and i should be.no matter you are happy or unhappy, day still went on.so why should i not choose to be happy.nothing will change because of me, you wont change because of me.no matter how hurt i am you will not know.what for than? i duns wanna drag anymore.from the way you behave, i see everything.you duns even treasure this relationship..So i will not stress you up, you can just leave and be the ambitious you.

2010-08-29T13:08:00.003+08:00

its been 7days already..7days of him ignoring me..how great if i can be like him, act as nothing happen.But i know i cant.i cant treat as nothing happen.cus i cherished this relationship, More than him.He can be happy all he wants, i cant care much anymore.i've prepared for the worse.i really cant stop what he want to do.Maybe im a burden to him.i dunno.i feel so numb already..even if somebody stab me with a knife, i cant feel the pain anymore.that was the last time i felt the real pain in my heart.And no more, it turns numb.Sometimes i feel its a retribution.i've done so many bad things.Maybe god wants to punish me.Makes me feel how hurt others feel that have been made by me.if its so, i shall thanks god so much.but please punish me in one shot.duns stop and continue stop and continue.its torturing.
i have never laugh till there's no tml for a long time already.Yesterday was really happy.Though nothing much, but all this is enough.i know once i lose out a thing, i will gain more.i know im not alone.when im sad, others are more sad than me.why can't i be optimistic? i know there is alot of ppl around me, always ready to be there for me.Thinking back, though its really quite pitiful, i never regret doing so much things for him.In fact, i will erase all the bad memories and leave all the great memories in my mind.memories are always good, isn't it? i can be like a silly ppl laughing and smiling out of no where.but who care, as long as it makes me happy.

感谢那是你，牵过我的手．
还能感受那温柔．．

2010-08-19T21:12:00.001+08:00

That's it..no more argument.

2010-08-15T17:47:00.002+08:00

i had enough le..the way you are, you want what, just go ahead than.i nv wanted to give up..i just duns see me having any stand within you.you are just like my part-time bf..happy happy jiu find me.duns feel like jiu duns care me..am i too lenient? or am i too strict? i've given you all you wanted to..freedom, space, friends..sometimes i choose not to quarrel with you because i know you wont quarrel with me.all you will do is just walk away, leave me alone.and i always feel its my all fault in the end..i wanted to be a good gf..but i duns think i've done a good job..im always talking nonsense and make you unhappy.im always sensitive and say sth childish to you.i always make you wanna walk away from me..see how silly am i.maybe i've gotten used to it.i used to get pampered..i used to feel secured all the time.i used to feel someone will always be there for me.but when its gone suddenly, it was so uncomfortable.i've nv treat someone this good b4..and im willing to do it for him.i do everything for him is not i wanna get any repay.doing something for the one you love is happy.but slowly, i duns find it worth anymore.i duns feel appreciated..there are alot of times i want to talk to him.but i hadn't have a chance to.i really disagree with the logic saying that, if you duns love me that much will prolong our relationship and loving me very much will end our relationship.i agree to a totally opposite.u can nv feel the way your love one neglect u.and u can nv feel the way your love one suddenly care about u so much.u changes every time.there was once i really feel blessed.but just once, the only diamond i've received.u will nv ever know how happy i am when i know u love me so much b4..

2010-08-10T13:01:00.002+08:00

one day you ask me, if you can choose when to die, you would rather die first or let me die first? and your ans is, you would rather let me die first.sounds hurtful? but little do i know that the one surviving will be the most hurtful one..and its so pathetic that i cant even think of an ans..
But you know what i fear the most? im afraid to leave you.

i try to treasure everything within us.but i just dunno what you want and what you are thinking about.sometimes you're good.sometimes you're not.there is so many things i wanna say, but i dunno how to say.i kept in my heart, and i starts to think nonsense again.."i hope i can get more pampered by you." i've said this words to you long time ago.you said you will..and i am still waiting.dont you know you are the first guy who i ever treated so good at?? why i do this? because i know my hard works pays off.but when is it? you are the only one who knows it.no matter how many tired i mentioned, i dint give up..im still there.

2010-07-24T03:12:00.002+08:00

i dunno why is it so difficult.why cant i get what i want? im really tired le leh..so long liao, its still the same..its still so straight forward.it hurts! i hate this feeling!!!!!

love story

2010-07-19T00:17:00.006+08:00

there was once a girl fall in love with a guy.. she seen him b4 when they were in the same primary school..But they hadn't had a chance to know each other.until the day when she was out of love and was drunk with her friends at some pub.that boy was there..that was when he started to notice her..after that day, he uses silly method to asked the girl's friend for her number.and that was the day both of them talked..it was a happy moment to her..true enough, both of them got together..till than, they always stick together, no matter what..

but diasaster came.four months later, they broke off..the girl thought it was the boy who was just toying her which the boy was not..and the boy thought the girl was going to control her which the girl was not too..So they both live their own life, had their own relationship but this misunderstanding remained..And this girl, she had this feeling, that there is still something between them that has not ended..

And so, two years later after their broke off, she managed to contact the guy back.and all the misunderstanding b4 was cleared..but they were just as normal as a hi bye friend.she was happy each time she received the boy's msg.And finally, they met up after two years.she was so excited.and they talked throughout the night.it was than she knew that boy had just broke off with his gf..right after the day of their met up, she decided that she wanna be with him back..but she din't know that there will be ups and downs through the time..And what the boy want, was just being a fling.She accepted it, without hesitating.and true enough, its really FLINGS.it was like, he duns even care about her at all.but she did not mentioned a word.she even planned to give him a surprised b4 he was enlist for army.until one day, she found out he still contacting his ex and the content was rather sensitive to see.it was than she decided to end the so called "flings".she told him a stupid story.and amazingly, he understand..but still, the girl wants her planned to be fulfilled.so she told him to meet her the day b4 his enlistment.during that day, she brought him for dinner.and to his surprised, singapore flyer =))

and yea, things have been improved since that day.he finally ask her to be his gf..it was sweet though.the girl brought him out, they talked on the phone almost everyday..she thought everything will went good..but it was than the guy started to neglect her..she felt weird and asked him why.but he gave no answer..days went pass and there seems to be no improvement.she decides to take a break and he did not say anything.she was totally heart broken.Even started to drink and get drunk everyday.until one day, she decided to stop and move on..but she did not expect the boy would suddenly msg her.after reading it, her tears rolled down..she told herself 'why each time i wanna give up on you, you will just pop out of no where?' and well, not long after, they're back together, again.this time the girl takes precaution and always prepared for the worst..but little did she expect that things really goes well bit by bit..till now, things went smoothly..but she's still afraid bad things will happen somehow..her only hope, was to be happy..because being with him is the only thing could make her happy..

"baobei, maybe things in the past was not very good.but i appreciate the times when you make me laugh =)) i love you "

2010-07-11T23:04:00.000+08:00

猜不透
你最近時好時壞的沈默
我也不想去追問太多
讓試探為彼此的心上了鎖

猜不透
相處會比分開還寂寞
兩個人都只是得過且過
無法感受每次觸摸是真的是熱的

如果忽遠忽近的灑脫
是你要的自由
那我寧願回到一個人生活

如果忽冷忽熱的溫柔
是你的藉口
那我寧願對你從沒認真過

猜不透
相處會比分開還寂寞
兩個人都只是得過且過
無法感受每次觸摸是真的是熱的

如果忽遠忽近的灑脫
是你要的自由
那我寧願回到一個人生活

如果忽冷忽熱的溫柔
是你的藉口
那我寧願對你從沒認真過

如果忽遠忽近的灑脫
是你要的自由
那我寧願回到一個人生活

如果忽冷忽熱的溫柔
是你的藉口
那我寧願對你從沒認真過

到底這感覺誰對誰錯
我已不想追究
越是在乎的人越是猜不透

2010-07-08T02:50:00.002+08:00

phew~! finally finished editing my blog.it took me 3 hours luh!!
die le lah, baobei confirm angry me de =P
because im still at hunnie's house and i have school and work later!
now, germany Vs spain.qi, hunnie, lk and me was sharing money to bet whose gonna win.
and i tell u, Spain gonna win!!

baobei is so cute today.its been so long that he actually told me all that when i din't even expected it.i really felt being loved by him now.we've been more and more happier each day.i really duns wish this will last for awhile.the way you look into my eye, the way you cared.i duns want it to stop.
ok mahs baobei?

2010-06-28T20:23:00.004+08:00

ok, i am missing baobei now.
and im going to whine about it.
he's been busy with that stupid upcoming NDP.
so busy till we could hardly talk.
one week only can see him the most two days nia.
CAN YOU IMAGINE?!
always make him do so much thing! you think he robot uh?
TMD.

but what to do..i can only pray that NDP could come fast fast.
sometimes i do wanna talk to him like so much.but i just duns wanna disturb him.
after a long hours, he's so damn tired.
all i could do, is just let him rest.
and make myself busy in order not to think so much.
HAISS!

anyway, im going to open a blog shop with my sister soon!!
so fellow reader, do visit my blog shop alright! =))

2010-06-18T19:18:00.002+08:00

Things just happened.without noticing you..
Things are so cruel.without any reasons.
you asked why, and they duns even respond to you.
Fate? coincidence?
can things just stop?
why do we have so many question? and yet another question.
times just goes on and on..who cares you need time.they wont stop because of you.
so stop your irrelevant thinking and move on
when you're here crying, he duns even know.
when you need him, he duns even care.
he say you're nonsense?
than push him far far away!

cherished you? BULLSHIT.

2010-06-17T15:39:00.003+08:00

Once again, congrats my 3rd sister for her wedding =))
that day will always be memorable to me~

"girl uh, all your sister married liao leh.When your turn huh?"
i've heard this most of the time..well, hell NO to get marry.
at least wont for the next five years.
wait until its really stable than say lah.DOTS.
cus there's nothing really stable now...
confused confused and confused.

i love my busy life~

2010-06-07T17:03:00.003+08:00

hi peeps! im gonna upload photos today~
this two weeks was a fruitful week for me.i just love my crazy and busy life =))
was out with pamela, cherie and foonyee most of the times.
Ballymoon, Archipelago, butterFactory, liquidKitchen, Church and whole lots of place!
june holiday ROCKS!
i wouldn't have to worry whether i have to wake up early the next day =))

its scotty and bibi =))
>

draught guinness rocks

photos from butterFac will be delayed.Cus the photos was not with me.

Well, sometimes i should feel fortunate.Fortunate to have a bf who trust and understand me.Who we really could talk things out peacefully.This really makes me know that, i shouldn't miss out this opportunity.For a person to really knows what i want exactly.

2010-05-23T20:45:00.002+08:00

today is a stay-home-Sunday =))

Went lunch with my sis and dad, as usual.Precious's been busy with his NDP stuff.It really sucks alot man..And he's gonna go outfield for this coming four days.SIAO!
Me? still the same..school and out with family.BORING!!

2010-05-19T12:19:00.002+08:00

ahhH!! i dint go to school today!! i just remembered there is so much thing im gonna do at school today.and i overslept..shit man..

im so hungry..nobody company to eat =(( i duns wanna eat alone today can...

2010-05-17T09:42:00.002+08:00

im seriously addicted to nightclub city nowadays.i can really play the whole day man! and now im inside computer lab playing.lols...later got mock test leh! =))

Days with precious was getting more and more happier.am i falling into it already?! i miss him whenever i duns see him.even though we just said goodbye.even if we're tgt the whole day, i still duns wish to say goodbye..its really not enough for me..but somehow, im still afraid..Afraid that once i fall into it, unhappiness will come again..scared that he will be cold again.how am i going to get rid of this phobia?! im like trying to step back..but i know very well, im falling into it..

disappointment is nothing to me anymore..

2010-05-06T04:13:00.002+08:00

sometimes there is so many things i wanna tell you..but i just dunno how to start it, and i couldn't find the right time..i really can't decide what i want..when i want you in my life so badly, all i did was to push you further and further away.It's so hard to think back how things used to be and look at it now and realised that things are different and they will never be the same again..i told myself it's not worth it, but if it really din't matter, i wouldn't spend so much time thinking about it again and again.all i want, is just a L.o.v.e...

sometimes, i think that your heart is made of stone..i really wanna know what are you thinking about..

2010-04-29T17:31:00.003+08:00

"what happened to your eye?! See guy shower issit. haas!"

Everyone's been asking me that..Hello! A tiny lump growing on my upper eye lid doesn't mean im seeing people naked ok?!

Please be scientific.

2010-04-29T12:40:00.002+08:00

After the last post that i've posted, we quarreled again..this is the first time he uses vulgar in front of me..and the 2nd time that i've spoiled his mood.my tears roll down immediately when i sees that..that pain is back again..its so real aching on my heart..Yes, things CAN be avoidable..but i choose not to.i know what i dislike doesn't mean you must dislike.but could you more or less cares about what i will feel..words from you is really hurtful..im your gf, not your friends..its way too different from your friend..i know im sensitive somehow..if i were to talk to a guy u duns like until so good, you really will treat as nothing happen mehs..when you really love that person, u will at least feel something's wrong somehow right..i trust you.that's why i wanted to clarify things out.but you get agitated so fast.i still wish to go with you in order to take care of you.but well, nvm..i've thought about it the whole day already.Ya, its just a friend..its me being too paranoid..i shouldn't even find fought in the first place and make things worst...liddat you wont say vulgarities.liddat i wont spoiled your mood..liddat i would not know every hurtful words that you've said and wont feel that pain again..its all me.im sorry that i've spoiled your mood when your birthday is coming..im actually no good at all..i know duns fan you duns contact you is the best way for you to cool down..So yea, do enjoy yourself for your upcoming birthday alright.i wont be spoiling it again..

2010-04-28T18:33:00.002+08:00

i made him angry again.i just dunno why every time i see those thing will somehow get angry.And find fought with him..i know very well i cant out talk him and know very well i will give in in the end..but i still want to provoke him..maybe i just want him to pay more attention to me..i know he did mentioned to me before, that no matter what his hearts will always be with me..perhaps because we could hardly talk as we're both busy.i duns even wanna trouble him when i have some problem in me..i rather kept in to myself..i just want things to turn out well..and i really duns wanna make him angry anymore..

i just wanna get a little concern...

2010-04-28T16:24:00.002+08:00

Flirt is Human's Nature.

Totally agree.Worst is, even though they know who they flirt are attached.Who cares?
They likes to entertain people..Just like a clown.
I trusted him, and he trusted me. Anything beats that?
No matter what things we've done, there's a limit.
we should know what we've been doing.That's it.

2010-04-27T22:51:00.002+08:00

People who choose to endure is actually not stupid, they rather be cruel to themselves..

Get alive man.
I used to belief it.But hey, its really stupid ok.
What for make your life miserable for some sort of bastard who make your life miserable. DUH!

GROW UP, YOU ARE GOING TO BE 20 NEXT YEAR.

2010-04-06T20:21:00.006+08:00

Happy one year anniversary =))

times passes..and today marks the day of our first year.
i've made a video especially for you.
it's just a normal slideshow..
hope you like it =))

last but not least, i love you =))

2010-03-08T22:39:00.003+08:00

look! it's scotty and me! ^^~

another week of school again.
im glad all the important projects are done =))
now i only have to concentrate on my CA.
its starting this two weeks.
hope i can do well for this term although my attendance is poor ^^
i wanna prove to my adviser that im not that so call "ah lian" and i have that passion to achieve the best.

.

.

"if you've chosen this path to go, you know very well you will have a tough life to go."
yes, i know.
i've heard until i duns wanna hear already.
everyone's been telling me that.
but im not afraid of tough life.
its just that, im afraid i will get nothing in the end.
there are many times i wanna give up
but i know i cant put down.
there are times i told myself i cant be bordered.
but i still care.
i used to be pampered, to show temper when ever i like.
and i reject whatever i duns like.
i just duns care how they feel.
they love me more than i love them.
and they still endure with my attitude.
but all this are past tense.
am i getting my retribution?
i think so..
god still want to see how long my stubbornness can hold.
and if im not wrong, i've violated 3 promises to god..
oh well...

as i expected, its just temporary..
i knew it.
perhaps those little conflict made it.
losing confidence and losing those passion.
but im glad there is still a little sparks =))

.

.

"i just wanna say, im happy to be there beside you and i always will do.."

2010-03-04T09:46:00.002+08:00

Boring!!
school on thursday was so free~
gonna end school in one hours time.
can go home sleep liao!
later still got work at 6pm luh.
Next week starting of exam liao!
Have to go school more often already.
School is fun anyway =))
i love my classmate ^^
They're funny and nice~
gonna help on some of my group project work le.
Just pass by and say HI~
shall update again beh =))

2010-02-26T21:11:00.003+08:00

seriously, what do i want exactly.
i can't be always rely on anybody.
was having an headache recently..
especially on my right side of the brain.
projects are coming up one by one.
Just done with one of it.
CA is coming on March.
endless work to do..
Can someone pls lighten my burden for me?
why do i have to grow up.
i hate my life..
hate all the things i have.
hate people treat me like an idiot.
hate people treat me as nothing.
hate people ignore me.
HATE TO BE NEGLECTED
HATE FEELING INSECURE!
i hate everything!!

2010-02-19T14:10:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, GLENDA..

celebrated with bf ytd.
thanks for the pink panther^^
and thanks for the birthday song you've sang =))
though its like a normal outing like we always do, i know that you have that heart.
to actually find the whole place for the 'me to you' bear i like though u cant find it =PP
i have nothing to whine about^^
you make me smile with that 'da lang' look when im down.
u cuddle me when i shed a tear.
u gave me advice when im confused.
maybe to you, its all nothing.
but to me, it makes me feel bless that actually you would do all this.
10month plus le..2more month and we're stepping into our first year.
i've thought for the whole night ytd..
i shouldn't doubt you at all..
i know you can be a very good bf.
but it all depends on your heart.
so yea, hope that we really could last out.

i love you, baobei

2010-02-17T18:12:00.004+08:00

i have been wondering..
will life better being alone?
no friends and no one i love.
will it be more happier?
i duns have to care about what others been thinking about me.
no need to worry whether what they've been talking about..
duns have to cry.duns have to think.
doesn't have any emotion..
feelings is such an ache to me.
i can support myself.live by my own.and worried about me only.
no ones doing wrong to me.
its all me.my own problem..
my family dote me..my bf love me.
than what was it i want?
hahs.its really hilarious.
perhaps i duns want any burden..
i feel insecure..
who can i call when i need a listening ear?
who is there?
i duns want to be the first to give in to anyone anymore.
i duns want to be the first to say sorry to anyone anymore.
what for?they duns even appreciate.
what's the point treating them so good, and yet i will be thrown away like rubbish.
i'm scared.i duns want people treating me good.i would try to get away.
i'm scared getting hurt again.the feelings of heart ache was really so real..

baobei's been pampering me more and more.
i can see that.
but i just dunno why i'm feeling afraid.
i'm scared it's just temporary.
i duns want..what i want is, him pampering me wholeheartedly.
i shouldn't doubt him.
i duns want any past experience to affect it.
but the shadow are there.make me wanna get away..
make me stop the happiness i had.
and make me covered myself with a shield.
this is all what feelings been playing..
this is all what life have to go.
another lesson..

2010-02-13T23:00:00.003+08:00

Happy chinese new year!

and Happy valentine too^^

finally a year is gone.pphheeww~

im so happy that baobei is still beside me..hahs

and in this brand new year, i wish...

that i could score well in my study
that me and baobei will be more and more happy and loving day by day^^
i could have free flow of money.LOLS!
bibi will be still there for me.
my family to be healthy and happy

one blink of eye, 2009 is gone.

thinking back, it really happened alot of things.

oh well, shouldn't think back the bad times already.

gonna watch 'hi my sweetheart' now.

will be back to blog again

toooddllleesss~^^

2010-02-03T21:46:00.005+08:00

hi earthlings~ i'm back to bloggy!!
well, finally back to school life again.
bishan ITE. A not-so-bad school..
Quite strict.and i think this is why some teachers was quite f-up
just 2 months in school, horrible things happened.and i mean thingSSS
f-up discipline, f-up rules.blah blah blah..

.

.

Home was getting more and more quiet.
elder sister move out after she married..
another 2 sisters seldom at home..
bibi was getting older and older day by day
javier was getting more and more mischievous nowadays.
life's getting more sucks every single day.
aaarrrgghhh!

.

.

She's really getting on my nerve.
i've made my stand very clear, i simply cant stand her.
but what to do, she likes to flirt so much.
or maybe her eyes are quite small, cant see that ppl have bf.
tsk tsk tsk.
flirt luh flirt luh.flirt somemore luh!

2010-01-25T13:17:00.002+08:00

Somehow or rather, i feel tired.

Tired of everything i've done for.

i just want to be pampered.

Someone who is always there for me.

Perhaps that's all i can do to make him happy.

I've done my part..

i thought there will be a change.

i was too naive.

Its still the same 'stone' i've received every single day.

I wasn't regretting.

Seeing you smile makes me happy too.
Its just that, do you really know what i want?

I doubt so.And i duns wish to think about it aniimore.

cus, i starts to hate thinking..

it makes me headache..

i'm sry...

2010-01-06T19:36:00.006+08:00

hi hi earthlings~
im gonna upload alot of photos today^^
celine's birthday, bee's birthday, mummy's birthday and new year eve^^

.

.

25th dec 2009

sweet sweet lah^^

mi and qi^^

qi and buibui

happy birthday celine sweetheart^^~

29th dec 2009

steamboat!!

opps, busy sms-ing with baobei=PP

look at javier-_-"

family^^

daddy and me^^

cleared!

happy birthday dearest mummy^^~

31th dec 2009

eat eat eat

"baobei, see the camera leh"

"what?"
"walao, can shuang yi dian take mahs?"

and baobei gimmi this shuang look -_-" lols!!
"can u at least smile??"

bit fake, but at least he smiled^^ but...

he smile this way when he look at the waitress!!angry!! lols~

and he want me to take this photo while he's shaking his head.diao..

happy new year everyone^^~

5th jan 2010

bee's 16th birthday^^

yisi and bee

debra and bee

chelsia and bee

celine and bee

me and bee

lols!

lame lah

went to paulaner to meet my sister with bee.and bee was treated with a mango margarita^^

happy birthday bee^^~

2009-12-28T01:29:00.001+08:00

hi there!
first, merry x'mas and a happy new year!!
second, happy birthday to my sweetheart CELINE~
i supposed she had a wonderful day on her birthday^^

.

.

was at baobei house on x'mas day till sunday.
well, it happened quite a few things on the x'mas day.
went to celine's birthday party, and was bit drunk.
and some unhappy things happened
a small conflict, unexpected.
and it happened again.
but this time, he was beside me.
received some sms'es on my phone that makes him rather angry..
it's really pek chek this kind of msg will come at that point of time.
but everything was fine the very nxt day.
thank god!

.

.

i dont know what to say but, i know u are simply U.
nothing's gonna changed.
im sorry maybe i caused everything..
maybe i asked for it.
i duns expect much from u.
but do know that u're the first guy im willing to do so much things for.
please duns break away the faith in me to u.
there's still a long way to go..

2009-12-20T17:53:00.002+08:00

hi there peeps.im back!
as usual, ytd was yishun day and now im home^^
baobei book in early in the morning today and i was still sleeping like a pig in his room=))
woke up at ard one in the afternoon, watched tv, baobei called, showered, and off i go to lor8 to have lunch with sweetheart.
cus im starving like hell lah=PP
and will be meeting bee later^^

.

.

went for this movie ytd night.
it's nice.
i'll rate it 4/5^^

2009-12-12T22:55:00.002+08:00

hi fellow peeps~
im back to post post^^
just got home after meeting baobei.
he went to meet his camp mate and probably will be meeting again later, PROBABLY.
so to past my time, i shall on my comp^^
well, things happened after i came back from powerhouse on the wed.
i was drunk and i made him angry and, im supposed he's kinda worried for me.
the most unfortunate was, my phone was drown, with my own disgusting vomit and with full of tequila smells.so, it spoiled.
and, i shouldn't drank that graveyard.it really cause me nearly 'R.I.P'
well, so things just happened.and yes, it happened..
i swear, that there wont be the 2nd time aniimore.
cus it's fcuking hell cannot make it the nxt day lah.

.

.

ok, i shall stop here le ba.
will update soon~
good night peeps^^

2009-12-05T01:03:00.002+08:00

hi earthling~finally have time to post le.
i've been working non-stop this few days.
well, it's really fun working there.
i learned alot of things and i make alots of friends.
but im just so clumsy sometimes lah=P

.

.

i cant meet baobei tml=((
hope he could come my house.pls pls pls pls pls >.<
if not i have to meet him on sunday le..
oh ya, and it's our 8th anniversary on this coming sunday.wooohoo~
"i duns want to get far far away from you le..
i hope we could be happy always^^ can?"

2009-11-23T21:53:00.002+08:00

words from you had already been like a stem in my heart.
perhaps the love was so strong that it turn out to be so hurtful in the end.
memories have been going on and off in my mind
is there another person as silly as me?
im afraid that it'll be so cruel to both of us if i still ask.
it's just that i can feel someone else presence.
i'll wait, wait for the tears to wipe off the smile on my face.
it's more real when love started to fall apart.
there's too much question, so what if i know it all.
there no need a talent for endurance.it's just that actually you have love a wrong person..
the feeling of heart pain was more real than happiness within me.
why love have to be so satire.
i really cant remember how many times this had happened.
and i just cant persevere when you're in front of me.
solitary was so real than cuddle from you.
love makes someone lost their rationality
am i too selfish to reject times with alone?
i cant let go, and yet i cant see the future.
is all this imperfect only be the truthfulness of a love..

"just random.i just found out this is so real.."

2009-11-15T21:44:00.002+08:00

went for this movie ytd with baobei.
i've waited to watched this movie ever since july.
and baobei promised me he'll bring me go watched.
and yea, 2012 was damn bloody hell nice.
and its kinda sad too..

.

.

well, i met baobei for just a few hours only.
can u imagine?!
one week only see him few hours nia?!
thanks to the stupid camp of his ><"!!

.

.

maybe what celine said was right.
what can i do if i saw something that i abhor to see.
what can i do??Hahs
i pray so so hard, pray that everything will be fine till the end..
im really tired to figure out what's exactly happening again.
pathetic, i actually have to figure out..

.

.

coming to think of that, we actually been through quite a lot of thing..
from 2years ago to 2years later, and from just a flings to really serious..
disappointment, quarreled, depressed, delighted, surprises, depart and back tgt and so on..
so much thing happened..
i knew it.i knew how much i've done u can feel and see it.
even the smallest u also can feel it..
and me too, can feel how much u appreciated it all.
though we really dunno what will happen to us 5years down the road
we do know what's happening to us all this years^^
and rmb, that 'KASSON HO DING JUN' this words will always remain in my heart..^^

2009-11-08T21:15:00.002+08:00

hi earthing~
i just got home from baobei's house^^
and yea, he's going to book in tonight.
oh well, another week to go =/
hope i could get my pay tml.
cus im gonna buy some 'thing' for precious^^
and i cant wait to see his astonishment face!

.

.

i was wondering this few days..
what are best friends for?
will they be there for you when you need them?
best friends duns back stabbed and duns betrayed.
best friends say things out in a nice way when they feel something's wrong with you.
but they do quarrel.Laughs
well, i must be contented..

.

.

here's some over-due picture^^

2009-11-07T01:07:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST HUNNIIE~

had a great great day on thursday night
more gathering pls!!

my face is saying that this liquor is damn hot..lols!

masterpiece 1, by me

masterpiece 2, by me!

2009-11-07T00:28:00.002+08:00

baobei is booking out tml!!
so happy lah^^
it was our 7th month anni ytd.
which falls on hunnie's birthday.
times really passes so fast.
and yes, this is what i wanted.
one month plus to go, BYE 2009!!
oh ya, x'mas and new year is coming!!
so damn excited lah..
i just love december^^

.

.

again, damn unlucky this few days.
how long will this suay-ness gonna end?!
shag!
im gonna tuck in on my bed soon.
have to slp early and wake up early
cus it's baobei's day tml!!^^

2009-11-05T13:34:00.002+08:00

things had went smoothly these days i supposed..
i felt it.
i wont be so lost like how i used to be.
there's a direction leading me so i can walk without hesitation.
maybe i will felt secure when i had plannings.

.

.

how much do you understand me?
how well do you know me?
do you know what i want from you exactly?
do you?DO YOU?

.

.

was thinking of what to study nxt year..
bobian but i have to cross out hospitality..
only have retail and office to choose.
that's what i feel interested lah.
first thing in my mind was office..
retail can be quite tough as in their working path.
but retail's pay is good..
diao..
i ask for opinion and majority said office more better.
one more month for me to think about it..
^^

2009-11-02T14:05:00.002+08:00

i shouldn't go drink again..
HELL NO.
i wont let things go haywire again.
wake up!
the best way to stop is to avoid.

.

.

baobei is my only one my only one my only one......
ahhh~!!
just WTF am i thinking!
i wanna hug baobei so much..
i felt so so secure when he cuddle me..

2009-10-28T12:34:00.002+08:00

hi peeps, im back.
miss me right..haas..
i've been working almost everyday.
im off today so im free to blog!
well, this life is really more better than always slacking ard doing nothing.
i will be so tiring after a day of work and i can sleep all the way until the nxt working day.
this could really cure my insomnia.
i can slp early, and wake up early.
that's what i want.
NO MORE NIGHT LIFE ANIMORE.
well...once in awhile can lah..lols!

.

.

baobei's on course for almost 2 weeks le..
why not almost 2 months luh..
one and a half day of meeting once a week where got enough for me.
worse than BMT time..
faster faster over can..
i wanna be with baobei more...:((

.

.

im going to make it soon..
jia you glenda!!!

2009-10-19T13:59:00.002+08:00

going to start work soon le!
gonna earn earn and earn..
i want to buy a lot a lot of things..
want to bring baobei out^^
when was the last time i dote myself?LoLs
omg..2010 can faster come??

.

.

baobei went for his 2months course le..
and he only can book out on saturday, and book in again on sunday night.
very fast de ba..
^^

.

.

im going to post those over-over-overdue photos now~

teacher's day

singapore next top model

DBL O night!

days with our BF

working day^^

2009-10-13T23:16:00.002+08:00

hi peeps, im back to blog~!
im at precious house now and he's playing his DOTA! -_-"
well, things was getting better off i supposed.And i hope so.
still there's some doubt on me.
im somehow afraid..
perhaps i duns have much sense of secure.
confirmation from him can really gain a lot of confidence to me.
sometimes something i've heard, makes me feel kinda ache and 'green'.
i was like, "wah, so good..he actually did that"
well, it's like a saying of "tong ren bu tong ming"
it's the truth that both of them have been through a lot.
so i always kept quiet when i heard things that i hate to listen.
maybe when times flies off, the past will slowly fade away..
i shouldn't be so paranoid, right glenda?

2009-10-05T21:21:00.004+08:00

hey earthlings~ am back!
was at home the whole day today^^
had been clubbing for past 2 days le.
dancing can really makes me shake away all my stress.
i love dancing to the max!
and this thursday, REBEL!!

.

.

walk for one big round.
我还是舍不得..
god really given me this chance to do what i'm suppose to do.
i just break it.
at last i still lose to the word, "love"
i know nothing's gonna change.
it's really clear cut to me.
maybe you're only getting used nia.
i wish that stone is not so damn plain and lousy aniimore.
can mahs..

.

.

overdue pic

^^.

2009-09-28T18:27:00.003+08:00

its over again!!
duns need too shocked.
this time is me..
it took whole of my courage to rebel.
you're just too ignorance..
maybe i had enough of your neglect to me.
you duns even wish to salvage at all.
ya, you're liddat.you wont change one.
just this few words makes me went speechless.
thanks uh
i already give in so much le.
go ahead with your i-am-liddat behaviour than.

.

.

i wont be blogging so often aniimore.
it's getting so boring..
yes im happy, and i should/deserve it.
and i realised that, i really have alot of frens to be there for me.
im really so glad to have them all^^

.

.

pictures time!

=))

2009-09-23T10:27:00.003+08:00

hi peeps, im back~
and my blog looked so dead..
well, lots of things happened within this few days..
and it's either happy or, not happy.duh
and im going to upload pictures too!
(not all cus there's some problem on my phone) diao!!

.

.

well, my H2 life is gone.and im glad!
beloved(s) seems to be busy with their own life now.
cherie started to work.
hunniie is on her honeymoon mood, and maybe will took very long..
qi and vincent too, have their own things to do and wont company me that often.
celine started to go school le, happy for her.
and bee is working too.

i should start my own life too.
work work work.
play play play.
was out deardear,nel and howard they all sometimes.
it's fun hanging out with them.
it reminds me of how i used to be with my beloved(s)
and dbl o last thursday with nel and deardear.
dancing can really make my day^^

.

.

in case u can't see, there's me, nel, howard, celine, belinda and lim in there^^

.

.

i have something to announce..
im back with him le!^^
yes yes yes, duns hesitate.it's him!

we've sought things out and yea, we're back tgt!
do u know, everytime when im really going to give up on u
u pop out.
it's the 2nd times u pop out when i was going to give up.
maybe it's bit silly of me doing so much things for you when i duns even know what you're thinking.
but isn't love is blind?!
when u love him, u'll definately do aniithing for him without even think about it.
no pain no gain.this is what i told myself.
i know everything i do for you, u can feel it.
this is what our conversation goes one fine day..

me-> "baobei, if one day you're going to hurt me again, pls hurt me in one shot.
cus you'll never know that feelings i've been through.
i understand your situation.probably cus im too scared.
evertime when i felt happiness, bad thing will come real soon.
i really love you, and is alot..i also dunno why.
but i'll let u go if u insist."

him-> "sorry"

me-> "im totally numb already..i've already prepared for the worse.
too much sry i've heard from u le..i really dint and wont blame you for aniithing."

him-> "i dunno what to say..but im getting used to being with you le.
and i really felt happy when im with you..
i wun say sry anymore but i will starts saying i love you..
love you baobei.. :-)"

yup, one fine day..
and life's been alot better now..

2009-09-06T00:40:00.002+08:00

i've been wondering days and night.
wondering who am i to u
even when u're hugging me.
i know u'll still leave one day.

.

.

it's the 6th today..
and nothing happen, not even a single msg from u.
its been a long time since u said 'i love u' to me.
maybe to u it doesn't matter much..
im so confused.
i went speechless when others asked me whether am i attached or not.
how am i supposed to answer that?its way too complicated.
when u duns appreciate, it'll soon disappear for good.

2009-08-23T08:38:00.002+08:00

this is the first time i felt that u doesn't belong to me aniimore from the moment i saw you.
and obviously, u're not mine aniimore.
there's days i needed your hug so much.
there's days i wanted to talk to you so much.
and yea, you're simply not there.
thanks uh, i really seen through alot.
and the crucial moment is over, finally.
shedding tears and whining, enough le.
im not a small girl aniimore.
walao, im fucking naive ok.wake up lah glenda!

你是好人也是个坏人

2009-08-19T17:26:00.002+08:00

i want to thanks...
hunniie, for giving me the best hug and support.
vincent, for making me laugh with his bitchy action.
Qi, for singing those songs to me.
celine, for that heart to heart talk.
bee, for making me realised so much thing.
cherie, for hugging me when im really down.

.

.

guys, u're the best!
i'm perfectly fine now=))
everything's over..

2009-08-17T19:37:00.005+08:00

went to h2 almost 4times a week..
and reached home with full of alcohol's smell.
i used to hate liquor so much..
everything's changed.
i can really forget bout u when im drunk.
but once i'm awake, u're in my mind again.
i know u'll be reading this post sooner or later.
do u still rmb i told u b4, that even if we were to be friend back, pls duns MIA like how u did 2years back?
u said u wont..
somehow, my instinct told me that there's sth hold u back.
pls tell me im right.
im really willing to do almost aniithing for u..
why are u walking away??
if u tell me, ur heart has already belong to someone else, i really will let go..
i just wan some words from u..
words jiu hao...
i duns feel pain aniimore when i think of those days.infact, i smiled
no matter what happen, that tattoo once i told u b4, will not be fading away.

.

.

pictures in H2.

.

.

went to polyclinic for consultation of doctor today.
and i've been referred to psychological 3weeks later.

2009-08-11T02:47:00.003+08:00

shyte, insomnia is back again.
i misses so much thing.
being embraced, being doted, being loved.
all by u.

.

.

i learned how to cherish when i duns appreciate sth precious to me.
but when i start to cherish, that precious of mine wont appreciate.
wtF.

.

.

fate brought us together and chance separated us.
chance made us back together but fate is not there aniimore.
wtH.

.

.

u know the feeling of heart ache is so damn true?!
so true that i really duns believe it myself.

.

.

stamp can fade away easily, but tattoo is forever there.

2009-08-03T17:15:00.002+08:00

i can be there with you always.
i can go through thick and thin with you.
i can walk with you probably 1year, 5years or 10years down the road as long as you're holding my hand.
but u know what?
we need 2 hands to clap.
simply asked.

2009-07-31T19:47:00.002+08:00

你終於說出口
其實你早就已經不愛我
為什麼要低著頭
你知道這玩笑騙不倒我
可是這不是玩笑
是要逃避你離開我的理由
我還能做甚麼
你已經不愛我
我一直都愛著你難道這還不夠
我還要做甚麼
你才不離開我
我知道你已無心再繼續看著我
一心想離開我
我終於也說出口
其實很愛你但從沒認真說過
或許是我的錯
多在乎你卻只放在心中
不要問我為甚麼
因為愛你這就是我的理由
我還能做甚麼
你已經不愛我
我一直都愛著你難道這還不夠
我還要做甚麼
你才不離開我
我知道你已無心再繼續看著我
沒什麼需要被原諒
我笑的有些牽強
你知道我總是能夠假裝不難過
oh不想看你那麼累
多希望再給我機會
顫抖著我的手握住的只是風
我還能做甚麼
你已經不愛我
我一直都愛著你難道這還不夠
我還要做甚麼
你才不離開我
我知道你已無心再繼續看著我
一心想離開我

2009-07-28T20:02:00.002+08:00

u always choose to be cool
what for?

2009-07-21T23:47:00.005+08:00

great outing with all my beloved last saturday at sentosa=))
when was the last gathering we had?
i think is october2008 at east coast
and i dint had a great time though.
here's some photos!!(the rest are all on facebook=P)

the singlet group

babes+fat hunk.LOLS!

last week was a tormenting week to me.
i dunno.everything seems to be falling apart(i feel =/)
sense of secure are filled with emptiness in me.
maybe u aren't aware of aniithing because that's your way of treating your loves
or maybe its only my wishful thinking.or, im being too paranoia.
i dunno.and i duns wish to groaned so much.
i knew it from the beginning, and i accepted it.
im easily contented.please understand it.
like u said, lets forget about it=))
silence is only a good way to give in..

4words:love

2009-07-16T00:38:00.001+08:00

oh well, guess i think too much=))

~*memories*~

whatever i said, i said it real.

love story

i love my busy life~

disappointment is nothing to me anymore..

~memories~